going crazy?

I have been feeling a bit on edge having to clean up after my kids every day continually. Now, when I had two that was easy to keep track of, but now I have 4 children under the age of 6 and it’s has left me feeling ragged.
I have found the answer though and that is that I am going to have to go through the hard work of training them. I know from teaching kids for many years that you will go through a few months (maybe more) of detailed hard work in training your children to clean up after themselves. I also know that if you invest that time, you will enjoy the rest of your life. So, time to buckle in, roll up those sleeves and get in there so I can enjoy my kids and they can enjoy me….in a few months . Unpleasantries first.

Discipline

Discipline. Wow, that’s a big subject. It’s so big that’s it’s never covered fully, for every year it’s a completely different set of dos don’ts and how-tos. It’s very important to have a strict set of rules and morals that you and your children abide by TOGETHER. It’s important to not give in to your child because you feel sorry for them.

One of the biggest problems that I find is that parents often think of their kids in the moment. I have this weird blessing/curse that whenever I am at  struggling point with my kids, visions of the future flash in my head immediately. I’m thinking how will this affect them 10 years from now. So many parents of young kids look at troubled teens and think, “Is anyone in control here?” Well, ask yourself that right now, at the stage you are in with your child at this moment, because if you’re not and you don’t change now there’s a pretty good chance your child will become an uncontrolled and directionless teenager which won’t change on the way to adulthood without a lot of breaking and tough life experience.

Whenever a choice comes up with how to deal with your child a chance also comes up to mold.  As I said, there is no way that I can cover even a pea size of the puzzle in one post when it comes to discipline, but I can say, look into the future and it will help you know how to handle the present.

As Zig Ziglar once said, “Not to be disciplined is tantamount to disaster, because when a child gets out in the World, he will quickly discover that any discipline he has not been given by loving parents will be meted out to him by an unloving World.”

personally speaking

Pat my back and give me a hi5. I did it. I went a whole day trying to be nice and succeeded. Yay! Well, it’s only by God’s grace that I get through the day at all without getting snappy and edgy with people. Ok, this may sound like I’m always really mean to people. I’m not. I feel like it….often, but I hold it in.

Lately I’ve noticed my kids becoming harsh and self-centered and I am so worried, so something the Lord showed me was that I needed to pour out love more. I need to not just withhold negativeness, but exude positiveness. It’s hard for me. I’m not outgoing, nor do I wish to be, but I want my kids to be wonderful adults who are kind and happy. Therefore, it must start with me. Let’s see if I do OK.

Oh, and the totally scheduled random thing I talked about, I did. I kept their snack time the same, but I made it a big deal and pulled out all the stops….in the simplest way possible (remember my kids are still tiny so anything excites them). We had usual fruit for snack, but I made them into shapes. Then I put ice and straws in their drink. We ate it outside on the balcony. This was very fun for them and it didn’t take much work. I had fun too so heh heh.

A family

I could never be what I am now, without my children’s unconditional love

I could never face what I am willing to face now, if it weren’t for the love I have for my family and my trust in God

I could never have what I have now, if it weren’t for God’s grace on me and my family

I could never love you and your family as much as I do now, if I never had one of my own

I want to be there for you like I am for my family and like God has been for us

Then maybe you will feel the same and be able to believe that we are all in the same family

responsible kids

If you want responsible kids you need to give them responsibility. As soon as a child can walk and pick things up they can begin helping to put away their toys. As they get older give them more and more things to do. This is not bad for the child. They love it.

As long as you can, make cleaning fun and make it regular. If they get out of the habit it will be more difficult to get them back into it. Besides the fact that a child left to his own devices often finds trouble not to mention boredom. Rewards can help and until they’re 3, often encouragement and showing you are proud of them is reward enough. Around 5 many children can begin having a small allowance for their labors and they will understand this.

Some jobs kids love to learn are; wiping the table, sweeping the floor, helping fold clothes and put them away, cleaning the windows, setting/clearing the table, etc.

Try to give them a steady job that’s not too difficult which they can be faithful with, but watch for signs of boredom. Giving a child variety will help them stay excited about it. Perhaps once every two weeks they can change or rotate jobs. It’s also important for you to keep things clean. If children live in a clean environment it will encourage them to stay cleaned up themselves.

The Key to Your Child

I gave a seminar once and allowed questions at the end. It seemed that everyone had the same one. “How do I get through to my child? I’ve tried encouragement, I’ve tried discipline. Nothing works.” This is a very difficult question to answer because in order to answer it I would have to spend personal time with you and your children and do the exact same thing you could be  doing. Observing and getting involved. Many parents are at a loss at how to motivate their children. They feel that they have tried everything.
I say to you parents, I do not know what the key to your child is but I know one thing, there is a key and until you’ve found it you must keep up the search. My parents to this day do not know me. They think they do. They cared for me greatly and sacrificed so I could have the things I needed and wanted. I love them and feel that they are really nice people. I do not feel that they ever found my key though and this prohibited them from getting to know me. I kept most of my feelings to myself and most news that a parent would definitely want to hear about.

I believe your children’s keys are hidden for a reason. They’re hidden by God so that you will work to find it. It’s part of your love for them. In the course of finding that key you will learn so much about your child that will be invaluable to your relationship.  If you’ve been working at for years and you’re starting to feel like the key is not there or maybe it’s lost forever, that is the time to get help. Call on a search party and get others involved. I am sure that you’ll find what your looking for. It’s like a treasure hunt. The treasure is worth a lifetime of searching because the prize is priceless and will last forever and will even live on after you die. Don’t call off the search parents. You’ll find that key. You’re child may even have it in their hands waiting to see if your are worthy to hand it to, if you will take care of it and value it as they do.

The search is on. Find that treasure!

Love=Security

Children tend to have many fears and no matter how silly the fear may seem to us, it is very real to a child. Sometimes when a fear is so ridiculous people can tend to ridicule or force a child to face their fears. There are wise ways to help a child face their fears but ridiculing and forcing against their will won’t help. At most, it will make the child begin to hold these fears in and not be honest about them which will not aid them in getting over the fear.

It has been useful to me to help a child know that I love them and that I would never ridicule their fears. If they know you love them, truly honestly love them, they will trust you. If they trust you then you have a good chance of helping them become bold and learn how to face their fears. Sometimes just the love itself will erase fears. When my youngest one is afraid he curls up in my bed and sleeps soundly. Mind you, it is not when I am in bed yet. So even though I’m not there, just the fact that it’s Mommy and Daddy’s makes him feel secure.

Another example is if you are out with a child at night or if the lights have gone out in the house. Usually, this is terrifying for kids. What helps them feel  secure? Holding your hand. They’re still in the dark, but holding your hand takes a lot of the fear away. It’s not just because you’re bigger and they feel you can protect them. Imagine having a friend over that your child does not know and he or she is there when the lights go out. He tries to comfort your child and hold their hand. If the child doesn’t feel trust and love with the person they will not feel safe. They will become even more scared and probably call out so they can hold your hand.

Help your child overcome his fears through love. Let him know that you understand and will help him through it. Hold his hand and you’ll be surprised what he will overcome in life with you by his side.

Daddy’s gone again

This year my husband has had to leave for long periods of time much more regularly than ever before and this has been very hard on my kids. They are very attached to him and his work before was mostly online, which meant he was pretty much around ALL the time.

It’s very difficult to see the kids feeling the loss of their parent. I can only imagine those whose parents are gone for months or even years at a time for pertinent reasons. I saw a video clip recently of a father who came back from Iraq and the emotion that was there just made me cry as I watched it.

I find the best thing to do is first aknowledge to the child that I care that they are hurting. That it’s ok and normal. I usually try to give comfort and encouragement. Then I usually try to put some bright side on it. An example is when my husband was going to be gone for 3 weeks, I told my daughter that it was just enough time to learn something new to surprise Daddy with when he came home. If your other half has to leave for a really long period of time you could think of something that would be fun and challenging for the child to do or learn as a surprise for them. It will keep them busy and give them something to look forward to.

This doesn’t work automatically, but just give the child the idea and let them have the next important thing that I feel helps them cope…. a bit of time and space. After comfort and an inspirational idea a child of any age needs a little time. Generally, they will be able to come to terms with it somewhat and get into the groove of the positive ideas you have given them. Throughout your spouse’s time away they will have ups and downs. You can simply repeat these steps and of course remind them how proud you are of them and how much the away parent loves the child.

Do not continually remind your child of the fact their parent is away. Don’t even remind them by talking about it to your friends in their presence. Try to keep things happy and positive with the right balance to understand when your child is sad and just needs some time and comfort.  Remember these things can strengthen or weaken your child depending on how you treat it.

An encouraging thought is that those who have gone through things become wonderful people because they  have more compassion and understanding. It’s a difficult thing to see your child go through things, but at least you can be there to help them through it and with you there they’ll be ok.

Typhoon

We just had a massive sized typhoon come through here. It packed some heavy winds. People were asking me if the kids were scared, because, well, they were pretty scared themselves. The wind howled in a loud eery way for 2 days and nights. Well, the kids were scared at times, but I tried to make it seem more exciting than anything for their sakes.

I told them to try to stay away from the big glass doors in case something crashed into it from the wind. That made them completely weird since our hallways, kitchen and living room have them. They wouldn’t move past a two meter space because they didn’t even want to pass by the glass after I said that. So, then I said, “Just forget it, you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about the glass doors, I don’t think anything will hit it.” That made them less freaked so they continued moving around the house in normal fashion, still moving more quickly when any glass area was around.

The typhoon seems to be over now, as does the nice cool weather it brought. I guess eveything has its good and bad points…even typhoons.

Sometimes you just need to laugh

While we were out in the car, Kimby (nearly 3) had dropped her stuffed doggy friend on the floor, and was asking me to get it for her. I explained that I would get it as soon as we stopped the car, at which she started asking Daddy for it. When he replied with the same answer, Kimby began stretching down over the side of her seat, trying to reach it while still strapped into place. Exasperated at last, she exclaimed: “Daddy! What we need here is some teamwork!”

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A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied. The boy thought for a moment and then asked, “Daddy, did God throw him back down?”
Author Unknown